It is a Tuesday night and I am sitting in the kitchen thinking to myself the stupidest question of all things. What if I don’t make it? What if I don’t become what I want? What if I never get a book published? What if I never get to do CA? What if I fail? What if, ten years from now I look at myself and all I see is a failure staring back at me? There are so many what ifs bugging and nagging me and my mind. And I am not sure about any single thing. People think that I am really bold and confident. And the truth is I am. I am the one who voluntarily does things. I am the one who accepts the most daring dares and does them. I have never been afraid of anything. I am the one who believes in other people and tell them that, yes, they can do this.
But right now, I am feeling as if I, myself have stopped believing in myself. I, who always thought that I am such a hero, am actually a coward. I am running away from my fears when I should be facing them.
I am on vacation in Dubai, yet that is how I feel right now. I am having fun and doing all kinds of crazy stuff but right now I can not help thinking about the failure that I might turn out to be. I do not want to fail. I belong to such a prestigious family and I can not fail. I have to believe in myself. There is no way out and I know that. But at the end of the day, I still have an unanswered question. What if?