“You are still the head girl in my eyes. Ask my heart and the answer will be the same”.
This was said by a teacher who never even taught me. And yes, the title of Headgirl went to a great friend of mine. So, we were standing in the middle of the wing and all around me I could hear girls shouting mine and Ghina’s name and waving their hands. The V.P calls my name and everybody thinks that I have won and the whole wing erupts in an uproar but the next minute it is announced that one of best friends and also counterpart won by a lead of 20 votes. This was totally unexpected but that is what is life about.
I smile and pretend everything is fine when I know that I am not fine. I am smiling and shaking hands and my own smile feels fake to me. A friend of mine literally lifts me up (Awkward). I am physically present in the class but mentally I am far away from everything. All I want to do is pour down my emotions on a piece of paper. And I do. In that two hours, nothing and everything is going through my mind and all I want to do is cry. Because I have never been able to take a loss gracefully. That is just not me. I have learnt to do it. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy for her. I just am not happy for myself.
The bell rings and school is finally over. I come out of the class and my biggest supporter, a girl from 7th grade is standing their tears in her eyes. She goes on crying saying that this is not fair, you should have won. That is the moment I realised that what I thought of as a defeat is actually my victory. In life, we win some fights, we lose some. But I won this one. I won the hearts of people. I got the love, support and their belief in me. They believe in me. My class stood by me all this time because they love me. Because they believe in me. And it is not only me but hundreds of others who are shocked and think that I should have won.
Somebody said to me,
“Life is very unpredictable. What happened today is the perfect example. One moment I was standing there laughing and shouting at the top of my voice and could not control my happiness and the next minute I was still laughing and shouting but something had gone amiss. That was when I realised that I always wanted you to win. In fact all of us wanted to.”
I came home and I waited for the tears to come and to break down but instead I smiled. And it felt real. Because this win means more to my friend then it will ever to me. She truly deserves it. And also because I found something priceless that can never be compared with being head girl. I have started going deep into things and actually am learning to see the depth of things and that happiness and success can be achieved from simple things whether it is the loss of something. All of this truly made my day and now here I am blogging about my victory with a smile as wide as my mouth can go.