To Be Proud

I was in 7th grade, the days of MSN and endless hours chatting with friends, when I sent an email to all of my friends, asking them to tell me my wrong points. Things that I did which annoyed them, things they thought I did wrong, habits that were just bad in general etc.

I wanted to change and become a better person.

I thought that I could be the best there is.

A friend of me replied back, saying, why the hell would you want to change ? You are who you are. If you lose that, than who are you ?

That was the first time that I thought about who I really was.

Ever since that, change terrifies me.

I fear that I will lose my true self in hope for a more perfect self. I don’t want perfect. I want true.

Its been two weeks since I got married and I have been getting messages, comments, wall posts, emails of wishes and prayers. One thing that almost all of them have in common is this message, “DO NOT CHANGE”. Do not become the typical Asian aunty that girls tend to be after getting married in our culture.

I do not know the answer to that. I do not know if I will change.

The only thing I want is that if I change, its for good.

When I look in the mirror, and see the person reflecting back at me, I want to be proud of her.

I want to be proud to be her.

That is all I want.

Let’s see what the daylight brings.

……

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