The past couple of days have been really weird. I have fallen into this pity party mode where all I do is think about my actions and feel sorry for myself.
Honestly, my life is pretty good right now. I do not have any major family drama going on. Everyone seems to be happy with how things are going. Except me. I don’t know why. I cannot figure out my problem in all of this.
I guess its because I am home all the time. And that drives me nuts. I have tons of studying to do, blog posts to write, books to read, movies to watch but instead I just waste time doing nothing on the internet. I seriously need to know what is wrong with me.
Over the past few days, I have gotten to experience being the working class. And let me tell you that when they say, its not easy to earn. Its not. Anything you do to earn your way in this world, is hard work. You are extremely lucky if what you do is what you love. And I have been that lucky. I have gotten the chance to write and get paid for this. That is extremely gratifying.
I am not used to with things just falling in my lap. I have had to work for them, finding a way around things, avoiding the bumps in the road. Its not been very difficult but its certainly not been easy as well. So imagine my feelings when things just sort of fall into place like pieces of puzzle.
Life is weird that way. The things you lust after, remain out of reach. And when they are in your hands, you realize you were okay without it as well. And somethings just happen without you knowing how much you wanted it.
Thank you ! For making me realize that in a way, I am lucky. Because I get to just deal with this part of my life and move on. I don’t have to anticipate anything, see my parents worried looks over me becoming over aged or over confident or whatever. I get to let go. And I get to do what I want. I get to fight for myself, for my independence. I simply get to move on.
I used to think about what things I will have to give up in order to be that perfect image of a “BAHU”. Or someone’s wife. Life has shown me that today, I get to be exactly who I want to be. No one has told me not to do something. Whether it is studying, reading books, writing or paying 150 riyals for a piece of cake. I get to enjoy that freedom.