My father opened his eyes today, after being kept on sedatives for 22 days. I don’t know where to start from. I walked in and his eyes were open, darting left and right, trying to recognize us. But I could see that he was in pain. A lot of pain. Pain that I wish I could help him carry. Unfortunately I like many others am helpless.
How do you do it ? How do you watch your father in agonizing pain and just stand there ? You can feel the ground beneath you, its still there, firm and standing proud.
I have spent the last 22 days, in and out of the hospital, dealing with hundreds of people, talking and updating his friends, family, strangers from all around the world, standing beside my mom, talking to the doctors and just living. I did not even have time to think about what had happen. I was just going on with my life, trying to get everything done.
My father has gone through 6 major and four minor surgeries up till now and he still needs more surgery. He was being kept on ventilator and sedatives.
Its not that I love my father. We all do. Its that I need him in my life. I am that spoiled papa’s princess whose every wish is granted before she even utters it. I have had that life. He has given me that life. Being the only daughter, I have taken full advantage of that and he has let me take it.
During this whole time, I had full faith in Allah. I told my mom that we need to do it. We need to pray as hard as we can. We need that conviction that he will be alright because his health is in Allah’s hands. Doctors can do their best but to do everything right is only in His hand.
I hope that no one ever has to see their fathers like that. Because it hurts too much. You stand there, looking at them, knowing that you cannot help them despite being desperate to do so. You wish that you were a better person, a better Muslim so your prayers had more conviction, more power. Or you were a doctor, so you had the knowledge to do something. Just something.
We are nothing, We can do nothing. We just watch while the world slips by in its own pace and time. All this money, clothes, restaurants, movies, diamonds etc does not matter when someone you love is in the OR under those big lights.
Because believe me, money does not buy health. It buys doctors but health, not really.
He was responding today, trying to speak but because of a pipe for oxygen in his throat, he couldn’t. But he was awake. He was awake and doing okay.
I am so grateful that I cannot even express it. Sometimes Allah grants you a gift. Because He is Merciful.
Trust me, nothing in life matters except the ones you love. Except the ones who love you. Except the ones who stand by you. Except the ones who cherish you. Except the ones who are your blood.