Don’t Let Society Define You

Plain-Blac“What do you do ?” I heard an aunty ask this 25 something girl who had done Bachelors in Economics and Communications.

“I am married.” was her reply.

I stood there transfixed on what she had said. It was her way of defining who she was. 

A couple of days later, someone asked me what I did.

“I am studying to be an accountant, I write as a hobby and love reading books.” This was my reply to define who I was.

After being married, why is it that in our society, that becomes your definition. As a girl your answer is your marriage instead of who you are, what you like and what you do.

When the same question is addressed to guys, their reply is either the profession they studied or the field they are working in.

It is as if, marriage transports you to another world where your only means of identity is who you are married to, what he does, how many siblings he has and what about his family.

I refuse to be a part of this stereotypical society. I am not just married. I am loyal. I am confident. I am bold. I am an aspiring writer. I am studying to become an accountant. I am not a fan of chocolate ice cream while that is the only flavour my husband eats. I love watching TV shows while he is more into movies. He watches more Bollywood movies while I am more of a Hollywood fan. He is not a very goal oriented person while my plans never finish.

I am me. I am a girl. I am 5’3.

Do not make us something we are not. You are devaluing the girls of today, reducing their identity to just being tied in a knot with a guy.

Life is so much more. Its about taking an impromptu trip without researching or booking a hotel. It’s about working hard each day to be who you are. It’s about love and grief and joy and sadness all encompassed into one. It’s taking a left turn from the straight line on a traffic light. Its wearing hot pink from head to toe.

Do not let the society define who you are. You are who you want to be. Does not matter if that is being married or being a degree holder. You should be the one to choose that.

Be the one to create your own definition.




7 thoughts on “Don’t Let Society Define You

  1. I never understood why one of the first things that people ask when they meet you is what you do for a living! Your job does not define you nor does your marital status. Couldn’t agree with you more, love this post.


  2. I’m not a big fan of marriage, but how is being an accountant more noble than being married? One emphasizes unrestrained individualism, getting your money and that’s it. The other is about human connection. If I have to choose one value that’s more useful to society, I’ll choose marriage. All the money in developed countries and loneliness is still a problem.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am not talking about what is more noble. My point was to define yourself how you want to. And to break stereotypes. Where I am from, after getting married, a girl is defined by her marriage instead of what she would want.
      You are right from your perspective but that is not the perspective I am talking about. I am not talking about what is useful to the society, I am talking about what would you as an individual want to be defined as. And if that happens to be marriage, than that is completely fine. 🙂


      1. Are you breaking stereotypes or just being a contrarian?

        I mean, I know I’m going a bit off-topic (I don’t disagree with the premise ‘women shouldn’t be defined only by marriage/motherhood’. Gender roles are obsolete.) but everything is connected. Breaking stereotypes is not doing the opposite. Being original isn’t doing the opposite of what everyone else is doing, but finding some philosophy of life that fits you.


      2. By trying to break a stereotype, you are being a contrarian. Although that was not my aim in this post. I am opposing the fact that society labels you as they like it. And that labeling is wrong.
        All I am saying is that you decide what you want to be in life. And how you want to be perceived. Exactly ! Like you said, being original means finding something that works for you. So my point is for a person to find his/her own definition in life, whether that is being married or not.


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