I Am Freaking Out

20It’s very rare that I freak out. So rare in fact that if aliens descended from Mars, I would just invite them to eat Pizza.

My best friend is the one who freaks out. She is in Med school. So her losing it is completely rational. She goes insane every week, evaluates why she is torturing herself with medicine and what she will get out of it.

I didn’t lose it when I was getting married at 19 to someone I had met briefly, more like seen because he ran away from that so called meeting. Nor when I was preparing for college interviews. Or when I had to learn to skip in a week. Or when I was a public speaker, speaking in front of five hundred people. Or when my dad was in an accident. Or when I had to manage my family plus the other half’s family plus my education plus the society we live in like a “Shudh Desi Pakistani”.

Yeah, I didn’t freak out then.

But right now my freaking out level is touching the ceiling. Let me explain why.

In 2015, due to my laziness and certain personal obligations, I wasn’t able to complete as much of my studies as I wanted. So at the start of 2016, I set myself some pretty high goals. Because I want to get my degree next year.

This June I am giving two papers, both of which are written.One of them is theoretical and the other computational. There is a gap between the exam dates. So it will be a lot easier for me to do that.

Let’s be real, there is as little chance of me passing two computational papers without a gap in between as there is of me eating a small scope of Ice Cream.

Anyway, the problem is that I have to give IELTs before I give certain papers.I am not giving these papers in order, so one of them is in June, which means that I have to give IELTs before that. I am not an English speaking native and I need to prove my English proficiency to get my degree.

Oooh ! We are not finished here. I had completely forgotten about this rule til last night when I literally woke up at 1:00 am thinking about this thing.

My English is horrible right now. It’s the worst that it’s ever been. I sound like a Punjabi who has learnt English last month. Do you get what I mean ?

‘Haan tu what I was saying was kay we need to do this. Warna kuch bhi hosakta hai.’

(So what I was saying is that we need to do this. Otherwise anything can happen.)

Let’s not even get into the financial aspect of things. I am telling you, this whole being a grown up and not letting your father pay for your education is not as great as it sounds.

*sighs* I need prayers. Loads and loads of prayers. So please remember me in them. I will give you virtual chocolate, which will be a thing one day. 🙂




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