Anniversary Tradition

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We just celebrated our 3rd Anniversary. By just I mean, almost two months ago. I insta-storied the whole thing. But I wanted to talk about it on the blog. I am always looking for new, fun and cheap ways to celebrate occasions. Since I end up spending my money on other things. Continue reading “Anniversary Tradition”

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Day 4, July 2, 2015

12:20 pm

I am on a very good sleeping schedule these days. I mean, I am sleeping less and am still active throughout the day instead of dousing every few seconds. I sleep after Fajr which is 4:00 am in the morning and than wake up at 10:30 am.

Here is the problem though. I haven’t been productive like I always dream to be. By that I mean, I have been watching Scandal. That is all I have been doing for the past four days. I would not mind it in normal circumstances but when your life is on the line, it kinda becomes important.

I do not know how to stop. The only way I know is to finish it.

4:38 pm

It was suggested today that I am a big spender. Unlike a loyal obedient wife, I don’t save every tiny penny that comes out of my husbands pocket. Instead, I get late night ice creams and eat out on weekends. I buy shoes, clothes and books. I indulge in things that I shouldn’t. I spend money when instead I should be saving it to buy property, build houses in Pakistan and buy Gold as a means of saving. Property that will sit there as some sort of back up, houses I will never live in and Gold that will sit in a bank locker only to be weighed and paid Zakat for, every year.

First of all, I don’t think that I am a big spender. If I look back on this year, my biggest expense would probably be my books. All of whom are paid by the pocket money I receive. I have bought one pair of shoes, that also in sale. Its not because I could not. Its because I did not need any more shoes. I already have a lot.

The one thing I did go all out on was Abdullah’s wardrobe. And trust me, that needed updating. Because it looked like a homeless person’s wardrobe where half the clothes didn’t fit him and half weren’t even his. So, yes. I did buy a lot of stuff. Because I like men to be well dressed. They deserve to.

I am pretty proud of myself for the fact that I have controlled the way I spend money and have bought things that I know I will use. So when you hear someone tell you that what you are doing is wrong. It hurts like a bitch.

It makes you realize the mistake you have made of considering your husbands money as your own. It makes you hate yourself for getting married before finishing your studies, before standing on your own feet, before being independent enough to not listen to someone slap you across your face with words.

The worst part is that we did save money. And we spent it, doing something good for them.

People say that I don’t have responsibilities. That’s why I can spend money on things like food and clothes. As if living with In laws was not the biggest responsibility ever.

Nonetheless, let me make one thing every clear.

Even when I am responsible for feeding, clothing and educating my family, I am not going to spend money buying houses in places I do not know whether I will live in or not. Instead, I will continue eating out on weekends. And watching movies. And going bowling. I won’t buy heaps of gold to add to my stash. Instead, I will be taking a vacation. Somewhere out of country, where my kids will get to experience different cultures and acquire knowledge. I will be spending on Disneyland tickets, ice skating rinks and seeing the view from top of the Burj Khalifa. That is how I will be fulfilling my responsibilities.

And if need be, I will be okay to cut down on all these things. But don’t for a second think that I will deprive myself and my family the chance to live a life in the moment in order to make a life in the future.

I have been blessed enough that I was given a lot of things on my wedding. And I intend to keep those as my saving. I don’t need a lesson in saving money for the hard times. I don’t need to be told to keep it in control.

If there was one thing I was taught, that was to spend what is my budget. And believe me when I say that, even when I am buying a double scoop ice cream, I know that its in my budget. You can set your own budget. You can set rules for how you have spent your life and want to continue doing so.

But please, I don’t agree with your views. Please, let me set my own budget. For once, let me do what I want. Let me be who I want to be.

Adieu !

SAP
…………

Letters To The Moon # 6

Dear Moon,

Its hard when you are caught in between things. You are in the middle of one of those suspended rope bridges on top of a river, seen on TV which everyone wants to cross, but it turns out that you are stuck. You cannot go forward because what awaits you is more horrifying than the rope under your feet. And you certainly cannot go back. So you stand their, holding onto the side of the bridge with all the strength that you can muster, hoping and praying that the bridge stays secure. And some miracle occurs. Continue reading “Letters To The Moon # 6”

Letter To The Husband # 1

Dear Abdullah,

First of all I sincerely apologise for what I am about to do. But I am going to do it anyway, that is write about you. Because I want to and this is a free world.

I love writing letters and doing sentimental things like that. But you do not even try to like that. I thought why not write a virtual one since you do read my blog.

I have realised that I do not appreciate you as much as I should. That is because I know that I am stuck with you for life, whether I like it or not. Like the fact that I hate your habit of throwing your clothes on the floor or never paying at a restaurant. Your wallet only materializes when we are at KFC, McDonalds, Shawarma place, Burger King, Baqala etc. Dude, be a man and learn to pay up.

The past year has been really weird for me because as much as the world and our society tried to change me, you did not try at all. And the ironic part is that I expected the total opposite. And while everyone else was busy telling me how to wear clothes or make a certain dish or go to someone’s house, you were there telling me it was okay to be whoever I wanted. Or not do anything at all. I felt okay, like even if I stopped studying or did not cover myself in a layer of make up, I would still be okay.

I have learnt a lot about people, how they are, what they say and what they really mean. But in all that, I have seen you as well. And every time I look at you, my optimism soars, like a bird flying higher and higher. Because you are the most content man I know. You are happy and perfectly okay the way you are right at this second whereas the rest of us, want this, achieve that or travel there.

I remember telling you, more like babbling about what I wanted to do in life, the places I wanted to explore, people I wanted to meet, food to eat etc. And I asked you, what do you want ? And you said, “Me ??? Well, I have everything I ever wanted. Actually, more. I don’t want anything else. I already have more than I deserve.”

Let me just tell you that my eyes almost popped out. And I did not believe a letter of what you said that day. But as I started to live with you, I realised that you were not lying.

I am not saying that you are perfect because lets be honest, you are not. And there are a million things I don’t like about you but this letter is not about that.

Its about appreciating you. acknowledging the fact that I do know about the good things in life.

I know that at times you have uncertainties about us. But let me tell you a secret, I think that as long you are you and I am me, we will be just fine.

Right now there are about fifteen trophies in our room and not a single one of them has been earned by either of us. And they are taunting me.

Can I drink coke in one of them ? Ooh, that would be so cool. I am doing that tomorrow.

I just wanted to let you know that I know what a good person you are. And I am glad that you are in my life. Because believe me when I say this, I would not be sitting right here if it was not for you.

Yours always,

S

P.S. I still hate you for bailing out on me, for getting Frozen Coke.
P.P.S. This was the good part. Eventually the bad ones will be out as well.
P.P.P.S. The only reason I am writing this is because at least you will READ what I WRITE this way.

This Society And Its Cruelness

There was a death in the city three days ago.

.
An aunty very dear to us, had the misfortune of losing her husband. He was in the hospital the past 1 and a half month, really sick, not being able to cope with pain but he was breathing, alive. 
I have seen that aunty go about her day, working selflessly for others. When she got married, her husband had a whole family to support, so she spend her years, cutting down her needs, educating and then marrying her husbands siblings. By that time, her own kids were grown up, so there studies became a priority. After that came marriages and finally after all these years, she was free. 
The time had come for her to sit back and relax. 
But destiny had something else in mind. 
Word gets around very fast. Its twisted like a piece of twine. Some of the things I heard were down right cruel. 
“See, his sons are Hafiz-e-Quran. But when I asked him to read Quran to his father, he put it on a mobile instead of reading it out loud himself.”
“We went to their house to pay our respects and his daughters did not even come out of there rooms.”
“I was sitting there for half an hour and I was not asked for water. Back home, we are served tea, samosas, biscuits etc.”
“All of there kids are so rude. What was the use of their parents sacrificing so much for such selfish kids ?”

“At least my kids are not like this. If I die, they will arrange for catering and make sure no one goes hungry from our house.”

“Ali Sahab and his wife were religious but their kids were not at all. They cared too much about worldly things.”

“Parents need to focus more on their kids upbringing. Ali Sahab should have paid attention to his kids religious education.”

“His eldest daughter was not even crying. Instead of tears dripping down her face, she was looking after her own daughter.”

“Where was their daughter in law’s family ? My neighbour’s daughter told me that no one visited, from their family in these three days.”

This is what is being talked about at a dead man’s funeral.

Yes, they are praying for his forgiveness in the next world, for him to be awarded Jannah, reciting Quran and Darood Shareef for hours. But when they go back to their homes, this is what they talk about. Apparently, this was more important then that man’s funeral.

So the next time, someone dies near to us. We need to forget our own grief and cater to the people around us. We need to make sure that they get tea, biscuits, eat Biryani, Qorma, Karahi and then Gajar ka Halwa for dessert. Then spread quilts filled with bird feathers, under them so they sit in the most comfortable way possible. We should assist them in every way so they go home and talk about some other nonsense.

You would expect that our society would leave you alone when a person you dearly loved, dies.

But no ! Not even death can put scotch tape on their mouths.

Lord knows what truly can. 

I Am Free

Right now I am sitting on the Rust coloured, disgusting looking but very comfortable couch, wrapped in Muaaz’s fluffy blanket, typing away with Royal Blue nail polish on my hands, without a care in the world.

Its 5:15 am now and my alarm for Fajr prayer just went off. I dismissed it.

That is what I do. I come here, turn off all the alarms on my phone, with that I turn off the monotonous boring judging routine as well. My ‘not a care in the world’ switch is turned on automatically.

I leave all of my worries at the door which has the “Pirachas” sign hanging loop sided above it.

I need this. After a hectic week or two, I need to come back to this house, see my life over here and know that this still exists. The ‘Live In The Moment” sign, Eiffel Tower and the colourful bed spreads are all reminders of me still being a 19 year old with a huge reading list, a small pocket and a lot of crap. I instantly become the Sumaica who says whatever comes in her mouth and tells her mother to stop taking everything to the heart.

In that house, I am the grown up version of myself. The version that got married, started living in a real bedroom with colour co-ordinated furniture, walls, curtains etc and has had to listen to more drama.

I am a free bird over here, where my mind actually works at 6 in the morning and I start writing. I dream, make plans, think of the future, hope for higher things and be happy in what I have.

The other me is just too busy dealing with everything else that at the end of the day, when she comes to bed, all she thinks about is if something that she did or said will go south the next day.

I take off the embroidered Bareeze suits, gold sets etc, put on my smiley pajama pants, double layer the t shirts, put my books in the bag, grab my laptop and I am out of the door to be my free self. My mom was not home today but I still came because I needed to lie on this crappy sofa, have a terrible back ache, eat a load of smoothie turned ice cream and let go of everything of the past week.

When you get married, there are these invisible shackles that bound you to a typical lifestyle which you have to accept. You may not see the binding but trust me its there. You start taking into account the things that are not even present. You have to think ten steps ahead.

Its not about you.

In my case, its about my parents.

And the wonderful guy in my life.

…SAP…

2014 ! The Year of Survival

2014 !

Where should I start from ? I think I should address the elephant in the room. I got married. YIKES ! That still sounds shocking to me. Every time someone mentions me being married, I turn around and try to take it in. I have not succeeded in that. Yet.

A friend of mine told me to enjoy every part of my wedding process. And I did.

Damn, man ! I freaking loved every single bit of it. It was awesome.

2014 started with us changing houses. I finally got my own room but got to reside in it only for two months.

Because our next venture was the trip to Pakistan. My dad tried to convince us to order everything online and get it done with it. But I wanted to go there and do everything myself. So I went. It was two awesome months including a lot of trips, adventures, things that deserve their own writing.

2014 taught me that things do not go the way we want them to. That doesn’t mean that we don’t get what we want. Its just that the path leading us to them can be slightly different, sometimes longer, sometimes twisted, sometimes even straight. So do not freak out if something out of the ordinary happens to you. Just be patient and trust in Allah.

People are mean. And this is coming from the person who has been the victim of our society many times. But when you get married, this meanness is up to a whole other level.

It has taken me a lot of time to get my head wrapped around everything that has been going on and trying my best to not take everything personally.

It was the year of personal growth. I have become more patient, more accepting and tolerant. Living in a joint family teaches you a lot. You don’t always get to do things the way you want. And it takes a bit of strength to not go mad. The hardest thing I have learnt is to keep my MOUTH SHUT. Oh God ! Don’t even get me started on this one. I have always been the person who says whatever she wants, without thinking about it first. I do not take crap from anyone. And its so hard to keep those instincts down. To smile and keep my mouth shut when all I want to say is, what a LOAD OF CRAP ! Okay, I admit. I get it out on Abdullah. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep sane.

Also, you cannot really be sarcastic. But that’s fine. I balance it out with my siblings.

The reason I did not blog about my wedding has been procrastination. Simply, because I ended up watching a lot of youtube instead of writing whenever I got the chance. Also I just did not want to write. And I am a firm believer in doing things when you want to. And yeah, I was afraid of what people would say. I got my share of sarcastic remarks, you would say, on me getting married. The ironic part is I know that I have had the same thoughts on someone getting married at 19.

Every few weeks, Abdullah asks me if my views have changed on getting married young. My answer, NO !

Why make your life hard when you have it easy ?

But that is not to say that I do not enjoy it. I have had my share of awesomeness in the past year. I have traveled a lot. I have gotten to know Abdullah better. I say this to him a lot that if you had not made it worthwhile, I would have run away a long time ago. I have made another best friend.

2014 was basically the year of survival. While I didn’t reach the winning stream, I didn’t drown as well. I did things on my own pace.

Basically, I survived.

….SAP….

Having To Act Older

I got married at 19. Which sounds crazy right now but it turned out good in my case.

One of the things that I have to deal with because of getting married at such a young age is people wanting me to act ten years older than I really am.

Despite being the youngest in the house and being married to the third kid in the family, everyone is adamant to make me the eldest.

I am 19. I am going to act 19. Just because I said yes to this social stigma does not mean that I have grown horns and am a Stag now. I am at the age where all I want to do is sleep, study, eat, do what I love and repeat. I want to go out and spend all my money on one thing i.e, if I have money in the first place. I do not have any responsibilities on my shoulder and the last thing I desire is to act as someone would want me to. So I do not give a second thought to what people say about me or to me.

Because its not on my list of things to care about.

I am going to act stupid and make poor decisions. I am going to disagree with you on certain things and do what I want in others. I am going to eat out all week and gain weight. I will stay up all night watching Harvey somehow winning despite losing the case and than Mike Ross dumping his girlfriend for someone else. I will make excuses to go out on endless dinners to people’s houses I barely know.

The last thing I would want to do is get ready every single day. I do not mean the put on clothes, a couple pieces of jewelry, Mascara, Kajal and Lip Gloss and hope to look half decent. Its more like choosing the clothes with the most beads and thread work on, matching the bag and shoes, making your sure your skin looks like it can be featured in a B grade style magazine, putting on as much of the Gold jewelry as you can manage and after that, praying to not look like you are on your way to a wedding. When instead you are at home decorating yourself for no reason.

Imagine going out for a walk on corniche in that attire.

People expect that you will change your husbands habits and make him quit smoking or not drink Pepsi. They want you to participate in every small thing that goes around the house. You are suppose to take part in what gifts to be given to others. You have to go to all their friends and relatives and be the picture of a “Perfect Bahu”. Everyone expects that you will make the other do stuff they do not want, as if you are a magician instead of a girl.

I would not want someone to tell me to stop drinking Coke than why should I tell him ? Everyone of my mothers endless friends know that I will appear in their social gatherings only on Eid.

Its not that I cannot bear all these little things. I can. And I do.

But sometimes they infuriate me.

There so much small talk that I can make.

Almost all the friends in your family’s circle are in their Forties or Fifties. And I am not even half that age. I cannot bridge that gap just because one day I got married.

Not happening any time soon.

I have been lucky in this regard that I am blessed with an incredible family, who 95% percent of the time treat me, my age. And let me be who I am instead of making me what everyone wants. Its been almost four months since I got married and I have attended a total of 5 Post Wedding Mandatory Show Off Dawats. In another time and place, I would be attending at least a 100 of them.

And I am not even exaggerating right now.

Basically you have to get ready, eat and socialize with plastic smiles on your faces and acting as if you care.

When in reality you are just two crazy kids trying to figure out life and being happy at the same time.

I know that I might sound ungrateful. Some girls do want to do all that. But I do not. Not at this age or any age, for that. Everyone has different things that they find difficult.

This is just one of mine.

…SAP…

To Be Proud

I was in 7th grade, the days of MSN and endless hours chatting with friends, when I sent an email to all of my friends, asking them to tell me my wrong points. Things that I did which annoyed them, things they thought I did wrong, habits that were just bad in general etc.

I wanted to change and become a better person.

I thought that I could be the best there is.

A friend of me replied back, saying, why the hell would you want to change ? You are who you are. If you lose that, than who are you ?

That was the first time that I thought about who I really was.

Ever since that, change terrifies me.

I fear that I will lose my true self in hope for a more perfect self. I don’t want perfect. I want true.

Its been two weeks since I got married and I have been getting messages, comments, wall posts, emails of wishes and prayers. One thing that almost all of them have in common is this message, “DO NOT CHANGE”. Do not become the typical Asian aunty that girls tend to be after getting married in our culture.

I do not know the answer to that. I do not know if I will change.

The only thing I want is that if I change, its for good.

When I look in the mirror, and see the person reflecting back at me, I want to be proud of her.

I want to be proud to be her.

That is all I want.

Let’s see what the daylight brings.

……

The Theory Of Mr A

Five days after our marriage, Mr A and I, went out to dinner alone instead of all the relatives and family that has crowded their house.

I am a very independent person who does not really believe in guys paying for dinners, movies etc all the time. 

It just does not make sense.
So the time had come to make my views very clear by action. I had already done it verbally.
As I step out of the car, he goes like, “so its your treat ? Right ?”
Me, “Yeah, sure.” I am doing a mental chicken dance.
And than we go inside, order Garlic Bread and Potato Wedges for starters and dig in. 
Inside I am thinking, wow, this is totally awesome. Being a typical traditional guy, I was ready to face his male ego. And badger him with dignified answers.
Unfortunately, that did not happen. 
See, when the bill came around, he offered me his wallet but did not insist on paying at all.
I paid with a huge smug smile on my face, all the time thinking about the glory of winning a battle.
As we step out of Pizza Hut, he says, “Whats for dessert ? Make it my treat.”
But because I am such an over confident idiot, I get Double Scoop Waffle Cone ice cream and pay for it myself. 
I am still thinking of myself as a winner.
And that is when the bomb goes off. 
Mr A explains to me his theory. This theory states that,

” Make the person pay for all the dinners, shopping etc, so that they run out of money. You sit back, relax and wait for them to come and ask you for money with puppy dog eyes and embarrassing smiles. “

No comments.
Looks like I have found the perfect match after all.
…SAP…